Why Frank Ocean’s 30th Birthday Party Was So Important
Whether @frankocean realizes it or not, his drag ball inspired birthday party was a major act of self acceptance, and an outright defiance of heteronormativity.
In a warmly lit room, filled with fine art, chandeliers, and Greek architecture, the ineffable Frank Ocean sauntered, strutted, and vogued in three outfits—all of them involving glitter. On his face he wore golden Gucci sunglasses in the shape of pineapples. Beneath the glasses? A face full of make-up.
The theme of the night was ‘Paris Is Burning’—a Jennie Livingston documentary following drag balls in 80s Harlem. Attendees packed on the shimmer, but what makes this even more noteworthy, is that many of the guests identified as men.
Mac Demarco, @illegalcivilization, Brad Pitt, Tyler, the Creator, Amine, and Luka Sabbat were just some of the guests who showed up in eyeliner and x-strapped jumpsuits to the “Legendary House of Ocean Ball”. This was a safe space. Outside the ballroom walls exists a world of soul destroying hyper-masculinity and homophobia—where trans women are murdered by the dozens, LGBTQ+ nightclubs are attacked, laws that allow gender neutral bathrooms are repealed, and shock therapy for LGBTQ+ youth is still an ongoing debate.
These truths are particularly prevalent in black communities, where black boys are usually disallowed to be vulnerable or carefree. When they are emotional they are told to “Man up”, when they wear tight or bright clothing they are told “That’s gay” (implying that gayness is something shameful), and understand the unspoken rule: “Don’t even think about showing affection to a friend of the same gender”.
Now, imagine being openly LGBTQ+ in these toxic, heteronormative, hyper-masculine, and homophobic communities. Children are ostracized, they commit suicide, they’re harassed in the streets and at school, and they get told that God is condemning them to hell from their family and priests.
These factors, amongst countless others, can make one feel alone and defeated, to say the least. Which is why when figures such as Prince or Frank Ocean, and images such as Young Thug in a dress come around, we treasure them. LGBTQ+ youth have the space to take a breath of fresh air. When a young, LGBTQ+, black person can scroll down their newsfeed and see Frank Ocean prancing around blissfully in iridescent pants with make-up on, a door opens for self acceptance and inspiration.
When there’s a room full of their favorite artists and actors wearing winged eyeliner and glittery highlighter, they begin to see that maybe, just maybe, the narrative of non binary people being unholy and set for damnation is false. Because it is. Maybe, just maybe, they can be gay and care free, trans and care free, bisexual and care free. So, on the night of October 28, 2017, when Frank Ocean twirled and posed and vogued, it was more than just a party. It was revolutionary. It was self love. Triumphant. And, it was protest.
Have yall seen this shit?! Black women cannot even pump gas without being harassed. This was both terrifying and disgusting to watch, and what was worse was the narration, like it was somehow supposed to be a compliment to be degraded and damn near assaulted. I’ve seen folks on Twitter go so far as to claim the woman in the video must have liked the attention because she can be seen smiling. Those are people who are privileged to have never experienced this kind of humiliating experience. I too remember smiling back at the older men who used to accost me on my walk home from school, mostly out of fear that if I was perceived as “being rude,”I was more likely to be assaulted or raped. I remember day after day trying to figure out what would be the best route to take home that would garner the least amount of attention, but enough visibility that if shit went down, someone would hear me scream. These are calculations I had to make at 12. Some girls and women learned this math of survival earlier, some later, but all of us had to learn it at some point. In 2019, we must bring as end to this culture of fear, entitlement, and degradation that has too long permitted men to behave this way.
*This video and related tweets are not mine, and proper attribution should be provided to https://twitter.com/NaomixSuicide/ and whoever Kevin Warren is (the asshole who posted this to snapchat like it was something to be entertained by…)*
Literally shaking in panic & anxiety watching this because this is something we fear would happen walking past a group of black men everyday. Ugh this makes me so nervous I couldn’t even watch the whole thing. Can y’all please stop doing this. It doesn’t feel good
She must have wanted it because she SMILED?? Smiling in these situations is done out of nervousness OR to appease the would-be attackers. I’m glad she seems to have gotten home okay but ya’ll need to do better
Them niggaz was doing way too much. If one of them felt like it they could’ve easily snatched her purse and ran off with smh 🤦🏾♂️
